I saw the sign...or did I?

At the end of it all, where does the real challenge lie? I guess you can say that everyone is different--one person will handle one thing with stride and grace while the next person will simply flop on their face. I truly believe that in this thing we call life, the biggest challenge is not what we do, how we do it, who we do it with but merely the decision we need to make before we do anything at all. When facing a crossroad, a fork in the road, two opportunities, three opportunities, or no opportunities at all, the only thing that will get us from position A to position B is a choice.

I know what you're thinking--wow, very profound. Thank you buddha for enlightening us. We all already know this--choices were not made to be easy. The answer is not always in blinking lights or in  the cards that we have so carefully chosen from the deck in front of us. But it seems to me that there are those people who can make snap decisions so easily, so quickly. And they are the same people who never turn back, who never rethink if they were right or wrong or if they misjudged the situation or themselves. I envy those people. Mostly because I used to be able to do that. Yet now every choice is a hurdle to overcome--what job to choose, what future is best for me, what to do this weekend, what to wear to work, what to eat for dinner, should I really be buying this cereal?.... How do they do it? What is their strategy? Is their some sort of scientific formula I've been missing out on, some fool proof guide of how to make choices for dummies (like me)? Does it boil down to personality? Is it just a character trait that some people possess--to be strong willed in your decisions, to be perpetually clear headed and focused? Or do they look to something beyond themselves--are they just skilled at reading the signs not all of us can so easily see--the ones that are put on the side of our paths, directing us exactly where we need to go when we make an unknown turn on our mapless journey.

For someone like me, every coincidence has a meaning. Maybe that's why I look for signs everywhere whenever I'm stuck in a make-up-your-mind situation of pros vs cons which has so often been the case lately. Or maybe I look for signs so I can blame some sort of out of body, out of world source for choices gone awry. My excitement for my first downtown serving job was bombarded when an internship offer seemed to hold the keys to my future. Two of my wishes coming true--but simultaneously when they were supposed to happen consecutively. Admitting defeat, I decided to start again fresh, wipe the slate clean. Although fully equipped with a "thanks but no thanks" email in my draft box, the firmness in my selection wavered when I was prematurely greeted with a certain proposal in my inbox. How could I deny that this is no coincidence. And now, after a slight bout of anxiety-to-start-my-real-life had subsided, I was once again thrown off kilter by a message in my voicemail box from another part-time dream position in a venue which probably holds no sustainable future yet has been the recipient of dozens and dozens of my resumes for the past two years. What do you make of curve balls that come your way? Do they make you second guess for a reason--to tell you that you might not be as right as you think, your opinion not so sound, your preference not quite preferable?

How do you read your signs? But most importantly--does it even really matter? I mean, if there's one choice I've firmly made is to choose to believe that we never really know what we want. Case in point: Twenty years ago I had my heart set on being a butterfly. Twelve years later my love for the decorative colour on the insect's wings was expressed in a desire to bring colour and decoration to rooms and houses. Four years ago I was accepted to University of Toronto where I began my degree in Philosophy in anticipation of a career in law. Last May, I graduated with said degree. Law school here I come? Not quite. No, I was left with no aptitude or inclination towards law, or any other area or skill really, besides maybe the fine art of over-thinking (I'd like to shout out to philosophy for granting me this one) Last season I obsessed over the perfect pumpkin carving. This winter I fantasize about the North Pole. Yesterday I raved to my mother about my intense and exclusive desire for all things seafood--it's 10a.m today and I'm already thinking about the turkey and chicken sausage I have pre-made at home for dinner. One hour I want nothing else for my future but to usurp Peter & Paul's, the next I want to be Carrie Bradshaw.

I guess choices will always plague us--the best we can do is make as many of them as can. Never be indecisive, do not take your time, do not make a list or two or three and definitely do not check it twice. Say yes to everything and no to nothing. Experiment in every lab, play in every field, sign up for every team. Opportunities are finite, don't take them for granted.