For some reason, these past few weeks I've been plagued with a constant feeling of nostalgia. I've always been a little kid at heart but it seems like lately my desire to be 12 again is particularly fierce. Ever since I graduated last June, I've felt like a lost puppy. Don't get me wrong, I definitely don't miss the days of trudging downtown through any insane weather temperature or condition...just thinking of it makes me shudder. Maybe its because I live behind an elementary school. Everyday, at 10:20am, when I'm usually home alone, the silence is broken with sounds of recess bells and yelling kids. Everyday, at 10:20am, I think about how much I wish I was out there with them.
My childhood was definitely epic. I lived in a fantasy world created both in mind and shared in the minds of my two across-the-street neighbours. We wrote books (and did our best to live in the stories we invented), we rode our bikes to what seemed like the other end of the earth, we made movies, we held seances, we told scary stories, read scary books and lived for Halloween where we could truly express ourselves in the years most creative holiday. We loved every second of it. Life was so simple, yet so interesting, so fulfilling. And now I'm free from the bonds of school and university and responsibility and all I want is to feel as free as I did in those days...
But the sad thing is, I'm not 12 anymore and life isn't the same fantasy it used to be. It hurts to write it as a statement because |I spend so much of my time denying its truth. I express my longing for the past through my addiction to cereal, cartoon, Disney, Barbie, children books and fairy tales. Its embarrassing to admit that amazon.ca's daily recommendations for me include Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Platinum DVD addition...and even sadder that I actually contemplate ordering it every day. Don't we all just wish we could be kids again?
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